OK. I was supposed to go to Melvins place tonight. Haven't seen him in like a month, cause he was in Houston with his family for 2 1/2 weeks.. He's been back in town since the 6th.
Which brings me to another point. January 6th 2006 is the last time I've had sex. Yes, 2 years of celibacy. My initial Mission to Celibacy was to last 2 years. Haha. So I'm super excited that I made it and that I only mearly tripped up once, with some random myspace guy last January, but made him leave before I could do anything bad. Besides, he had a very very small penis. (seriously, small.)
So, for whatever reason, Melvin called me from work a few minutes ago. He got hung up there and won't be making it home early enough for me to visit cause I have to work tomorrow, which means early bedtime for me. He understands my bedtime being important, cause I get bitchy with little sleep, and if I"m tired and bitchy at work, it could harm a patient... He is so very understanding with everything I put him through... LIke the no sex thing. I mean, I"ve been messing with him for OVER 2 years now... and still no sex. Other than the occational blow job I grace him with (I'm one of those weird people who don't really see oral as sex...) he is totally fine with just making out. He's never pressured me for anything further, or hell, anything at all. I swear, I totally love him.
Anyway.... so we were on the phone tonight and started talking about the no sex thing and he said to me that he was cool with it, and supported me in what I needed to do for myself. (He doesn't know every detail that made me decide on a celibacy mission, but I did tell him 2 years ago that I started it cause sex without meaning became too easy, and I didn't want to ever be veiwed as a 'whore'.) I made some comment like "Mission completed" and he questioned that. I told him I wanted 2 years of celibacy, unless I was in a serious commited relationship. He said "So 2 years is up?" with a hopeful gleam in his voice. And I just told him that now I'm at the point where it is awkward for me. No sex for 2 years has changed my perspective of things. So now I'm afraid that sex will mean TOO much to me, that if I sleep with him, because I like him so much, that everything would become harder and more complicated for me... It's purely selfish of me. Lol.
Anyway... So I think that now that we've opened up THAT conversation... maybe it will be a bridge for me to open up the one about where I freaking love him and either need to be the only girl he is seeing, or not see him at all... which will totally break my heart, but needs to be done. We either need to move forward, or move on. It has been TWO years...
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Saturday, January 5, 2008
It's 2008 already?
Eh, I really didn't mean to abandon this blog. I've been genuinely busy...
Over Christmas I was apt/cat sitting for a friend. So I would spend one night there, then one night at home. It made things easier on her cat, but my 2 kitties were not liking it one bit. I enjoyed it - because it got me away from my roommate - which is also an ex boyfriend... Have I told that story? Eh, kind of a long story. Basically met him in June 2001, he moved in with me Sept 2001... I kicked him out Nov 2001. And then (just as friends) he moved back in with me Jan 2001 for 2 weeks... then I don't know where he was for a while... then met his daughters mother... and lived with her fro 9 months - she was 7 months pregnant with their daughter and he had been cheating on her. Him and the new g/f moved in with me in Sept 2003. That lasted about 2 months. They got their own apt next door. Then she was pregnant, but not by him, she moved in with her new b/f, he moved back here in Jan 2004. Lived here for 4 months, moved in with another g/f. Came back a few months later. Then in Oct 2005 he had an abdominal aoric aneurysm, almost died. Had major surgery to repair the aneurysm and also to graft up the torn aorta. Because of the long term damage done to circulatory system, he has neuropathy (numbness) in his feet, and has to wear special braces. He can walk, but it too effort. In all he spent 3 months in the hospital and then 3 more months in a nursing home for rehab to relearn how to walk and function.
Blah. So now I have this life-long pity for him. Even though 99% of the time I can't stand him at all. He is a user and a loser and just annoying as hell. I want him gone from my home more than anything... but at least he is paying rent this time! (He's never paid before, and he owes me thousands of dollars.) I haven't told my family that he is back, they never understand. They always think we're dating again... ha! NOT!!
What else...
Melvin... He's been in Houston with his family since Dec 22. I hate that I miss him. He texts me everyday. Calls me 'baby' 'sweety' & other nicities. Says he misses me. At the stroke of midnight on New Years eve I text a virtual 'kiss' to all my friends, and to him and with his I said "Happy New Year, and remember I care about you." He responded with a kiss and smiley and says he cares about me as well... Ugh. But I don't care about him. I love him. I know I've said it a million times, but I really need to talk to him. Lol... I think when he gets back to town (in a few days) I will just tell him that its a new year and I need a new change. As things are we have this pattern that we do everytime I see him, and it's getting very very old and boring.
I'm going to my Granny & Gramps' place today. Haven't seen them since Thanksgiving, and I have a Christmas present for them. Granny said she'd make some chili. Yum!!
Over Christmas I was apt/cat sitting for a friend. So I would spend one night there, then one night at home. It made things easier on her cat, but my 2 kitties were not liking it one bit. I enjoyed it - because it got me away from my roommate - which is also an ex boyfriend... Have I told that story? Eh, kind of a long story. Basically met him in June 2001, he moved in with me Sept 2001... I kicked him out Nov 2001. And then (just as friends) he moved back in with me Jan 2001 for 2 weeks... then I don't know where he was for a while... then met his daughters mother... and lived with her fro 9 months - she was 7 months pregnant with their daughter and he had been cheating on her. Him and the new g/f moved in with me in Sept 2003. That lasted about 2 months. They got their own apt next door. Then she was pregnant, but not by him, she moved in with her new b/f, he moved back here in Jan 2004. Lived here for 4 months, moved in with another g/f. Came back a few months later. Then in Oct 2005 he had an abdominal aoric aneurysm, almost died. Had major surgery to repair the aneurysm and also to graft up the torn aorta. Because of the long term damage done to circulatory system, he has neuropathy (numbness) in his feet, and has to wear special braces. He can walk, but it too effort. In all he spent 3 months in the hospital and then 3 more months in a nursing home for rehab to relearn how to walk and function.
Blah. So now I have this life-long pity for him. Even though 99% of the time I can't stand him at all. He is a user and a loser and just annoying as hell. I want him gone from my home more than anything... but at least he is paying rent this time! (He's never paid before, and he owes me thousands of dollars.) I haven't told my family that he is back, they never understand. They always think we're dating again... ha! NOT!!
What else...
Melvin... He's been in Houston with his family since Dec 22. I hate that I miss him. He texts me everyday. Calls me 'baby' 'sweety' & other nicities. Says he misses me. At the stroke of midnight on New Years eve I text a virtual 'kiss' to all my friends, and to him and with his I said "Happy New Year, and remember I care about you." He responded with a kiss and smiley and says he cares about me as well... Ugh. But I don't care about him. I love him. I know I've said it a million times, but I really need to talk to him. Lol... I think when he gets back to town (in a few days) I will just tell him that its a new year and I need a new change. As things are we have this pattern that we do everytime I see him, and it's getting very very old and boring.
I'm going to my Granny & Gramps' place today. Haven't seen them since Thanksgiving, and I have a Christmas present for them. Granny said she'd make some chili. Yum!!
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