Sugar Daddy?

Does wanting a sugar daddy make me a whore?
I was watching Dr.Phil yesterday, and there was a woman on there who was married, and yet she had 2 sugar daddies that gave her money and expensive gifts in exchange for 'companionship.' They listed the website where she m et them, so I was bored and checked it out. I made a profile and posted a pic that doesn't exactly show all of my face, nor really look like me.
Now some guy has contacted me, about meeting up when he comes to town for business in a few weeks. I haven't responded. I'm not sure I can do that... not really.
Oh, but the extra income would be nice.

So...

SO I didn't see Melvin this week. Somehow I knew it was too good to be true that he would want to see me 2 weeks in a row. (Low self esteem much?) Well, he texted me on Monday night at like 9pm asking if I could come over right then, instead of Tuesday night. Um, no. So he said maybe he would have time to see me on Thursday, but he never gave me a definate answer on that. I had told him I already had plans for Thursday night (to have drinks with Garry) but that I would cancel them for him. But no, by Wednesday night at 8pm he still hadn't let me know what was going on.
That is when I got a phone call from my friend Christian (who has also expressed an intrest in me, but is married with 3 small children), he told me that a friend of his at work gave him 2 tickets to the pre-season home opener of the KC Chiefs but he couldn't go, so he was offering them to me. Hell yeah! So I called Ron and he was thrilled at the chance to be able to go to the game with me. :)
When I got home around 9:30pm Wednesday night I called Melvin and told him that I now had even better plans and so no matter what he had or hadn't decided about maybe or maybe not seeing me that I wasn't going to be available for him. (Go me!) Well, he was OK with that. gah! I wanted him to be sad! Lol.
Oh well... I've always known where I rated when it came to him.
Have you ever read the book "He's just not that into you?" Um yeah... that book is 100% about Melvin and me. And it pisses me of to no end that I still like him as much as I do. That if he called me now wanting to see me tomorrow then I'd get up first thing in the morning and shave my legs and do my best to make myself all pretty for him. Men.

Why do I bother?

Ok. I might be writing about Melvin alot in this blog. I cannot mention him in my OD because too many peolpe I know read it and most of them do not approve of my liking him and wanting to spend time with him. And there are reasons for that... he makes me angry. He infuriates me with not being much of a conversationalist, with always expecting a blow job when I do see him, with canceling dates we make, with calling me at 9pm and wanting me to drop everything and come over - probably for a blow job. And I'm not a slut. I'm not his little cum-whore. Anyway...
So I love this man. I want him. I would be with him in a heartbeat if I could. I could have dropped everything tonight to go see him. I wanted to, but we need to set some boundaries! And I need to feel like he respects me and my time. He needs to not call me at 9pm and expect me to be there.
He isn't all bad. He is very sweet and caring. But he is a 30 year old man.

I have a date with a 45 year old man on Thursday night. A white man, at that. Haven't dated one of those in a while. But I figure that if what I've been doing isn't working, do something different... so an older white man it is. His name is Garry. He works in the "hotel business" though I'm not exactly sure what all that means. We're going to meet up at an Irish Pub for cocktails, and chat. It'll be odd. It's the initial 'get to know you' date that I hate so much. I like it better when the basic facts are out there already and you know how to act and what they would deemrude or whatever. Plus there is the whole issue of him being 15 years older than me. I've never dated anyone that much older than me before. Makes me wonder where our maturity levels will be, will we match at all? Life experiences will be so different and ... I need to quit worrying about it.

Melvin texted and said he might be able to see me on Thursday, since he had to cancel Tuesday... I told him I had plans already (the date with Garry) but that if I knew early enough about wether or not he could actually spare his time to see me then I could cancel my plans and see him. He wrote back "No need to cancel, I'll wait my turn." I wrote him back saying "You're more important than the other people I have plans with. Silly boy." I would seriously never date anyone else if I believed he would want me on the same level that I want him. This is insane. It will end badly. Love & Lust are so messy.

silver

& then it hit her, while sitting on the stoop of the office, back pressed against the glass door behind her. she was no longer a child. & she tried to think back to a specific point in time,
the exact moment she had lost it, but all she could think of was laying in that field of buttercups & wishing she could fly ...

Make out with me...

... and thats all he had to say and I was his. OMG. Kissing slut.
YES.. I gave in and finally went over to Melvins place tonight. I was fine when we were just texting the past couple months, but he called last night and I heard his voice. He just does it for me. He is the total package for me. Everything I wanted since I was a little girl. He is tall (6'5") dark (african american) and extremely handsome. He is college educated and has a good job where he gets dressed up in a suit everyday. He is smart and funny. He is sweet and romantic. He totally respects my 'above the waist only' rule.
Yes. I have an 'above the waist only' rule. I have been celibate since Jan 2006. I did have one close call with some random guy this past Jan, but in the end all we did was make-out a bit and I made him leave.
But with Melvin everything is different. He respects that I'm trying to be a good girl. So we made out. My neck is my favorite place to be kissed, and he will spend forever there... and I know he just does it cause I like it. I like him.
So we've had this thing (not sure what to call it?) between us for over 1 1/2 years now. Not sure where it is going. But I like him too much. Which is why I try so hard to stay away from him. I totally don't want a broken heart. I know I could fall madly in love with him, if only he'd ask me to. But as things are right now, I'm not totally convinced that is isn't a player. And I'm amazingly OK with that. I guess because I know that it is a possiblity so I've kept myself from getting too emotionally attatched.
Oh, but I could fall. Hard. Fast. Deep.
He's just amazing.
And I whispered into his ear tonight "sometimes you make my mind wonder..." he asked for an explanation... but I wasn't brave enough to spill it. Maybe next time. I think he invited me over for Tuesday night.

For Melvin

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do